The Certainty of If

wear the bruises. in an avalanche of how. close we came to the apex. pull on the zipper. knowing it won't come undone. crumbling stairs. humbled by the threat of touch.

flaunt the hole. patterns in the void. broken teeth. and wagging tongues. negotiating with all the liars she still trusts. calm executions. where the dead do not resist.

her cunt like finger paints. smudging over the pleasant abyss. her ears syringes. potent with the drugs. that pretend to the bottom is not so distant.

the fire quakes. brilliant with things that do not belong. the mountain shrinks. when at last she measures herself against it.

If I were still a child. If I had become a woman. If there was a difference at all.